Entrusted with grace, together…

Why yet another blog?

There has been a clear tug on my heart for probably over a year now to start writing down what God is working in and speaking to me, but I have pushed those tugs aside time and time again. I mean hey, there are so many blogs out there, why add to the masses? But after hearing other women’s hearts and stories, experiencing more of marriage, motherhood, and life overseas, and seeing the need for the truth of the gospel to be spoken repeatedly to our hearts in every aspect of life, I decided to finally lace up and share these thoughts with whoever the Lord leads to read them.

I want this to be a platform to challenge us, yes, but to also encourage one another that we are not alone as we all walk on this journey of faith together. Because I think that’s exactly how the enemy wants us to feel — alone. To isolate us and make us believe we’re the only one going through this. Or feeling this way. Or having these fears and doubts and anxieties. Thus making us stale, stagnant, and unable to confidently step into what Jesus is asking of us.

I am seeking to break through the lies as I wrestle through my own struggles and questions. I want us to join together, to be vulnerable and real, and to point one another to the truth and freedom found only at the foot of the cross. I want to bring light to topics that we may shy away from because of one thing or another, whether it’s shame, guilt, embarrassment, ignorance, etc., yet are the very things that are vital for us to truly live in peace and freedom, for His glory. So one day I may be sharing personal stories in what the Lord is teaching me, while other days I may be sharing other people’s stories, but no matter the topic, it’s all to remind both myself and others of the kind of life God is calling us into.

We have been entrusted with this one life that is but dust in the eyes of eternity, yet in the power given to us through His Spirit, a life that can cause eternal ripples as we understand who Jesus truly is and then in turn seek Him with all our hearts. 

I used to view the word entrusted as this great burden, that if I misstepped this way or that, I would mess up my one shot to make a difference. I would let Jesus down with the life He had entrusted me with. Yet as the Lord has been drawing me in to His character and His love for me and for His world, I am seeing that He has entrusted us with such lavish grace, not to be seen as a burden, but as a gift.

WE, in ourselves alone, will never be enough. And to me, that is such good news, because that is exactly what the grace of the Gospel is all about! Yes, we have been entrusted with a big mission, but we have been entrusted by a God who clothes us in grace through every step. By a Savior who showed us this very grace by spreading his arms wide, dying the death we deserved and paying the price we could not afford so we can live in the freedom of His resurrection and salvation. I want to live in the knowledge and understanding of that kind of grace.

So momma, you will never be enough for your children (as everything in me fights back and says, ‘But I want to be!’). Wife, your husband is not the one who will ultimately make you happy (as I sulk because I didn’t get a romantic date this week…). Single ladies (oh hey, Beyonce haha), marriage is not your answer. Missionary, you are not the one who saves. Jesus is the only true fulfillment for our children, our husbands, our own hearts, our world. And as we begin to grasp this truth, then we can see the beauty and joy of partnering with the one who holds it all in His hands. And we can enter into this entrustment with excitement and expectation because He has given us the grace through the glorious cross to live in Him and for Him.

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A little bit about myself for those who don’t know me super well 

I placed my faith in Jesus at a very young age, and I have been on this faith journey for almost 20 years now. Christ is my everything, but I still and will always have so much to learn about the depths of His love and His character. My desire is to spend the rest of my life pressing in to Him and His Good News for the world. To be known by Him, to know Him in return, and to then make Him known… I want that to be my mantra. And I want to join with you as you make it yours, too.

In 2014, I married my best friend, the most caring, servant-hearted, wisest man I know, and we recently welcomed our first little girl into the world in April of 2018. To say we are both awestruck and completely in love with this little nugget would be an understatement. She has opened my heart to an even deeper understanding of the Lord’s father heart toward us as His children, and I am forever humbled for our little trio of a family. But motherhood has also been harder than I ever imagined, so day by day God is teaching me more about myself and my desperate need for Him as I navigate all these new waters.

The Lord planted a seed for cross-cultural missions when I was just in middle school, and after Taylor and I got married, we began searching where the Lord would have us live and serve. He has given both of us a heart for the Church to be awakened to the need for the gospel around the world and for us to know the depths of His love not just for ourselves, but for every tribe, tongue, and nation. So now for the past year and a half, we have been living in Nairobi, Kenya working as mission mobilizers among local university students. I may not always like the traffic here and being away from family, but I sure am thankful to have learned to love the life God has asked me to live here in Kenya.

That all sounds really nice, right? I re-read it and am like, dang girl, you sound like you’ve really got it together! But to be honest, I can be a real mess sometimes (or most of the time!). I put so much pressure on myself I feel like I could explode. I struggle to text people back. I’m impatient with my husband. I feel like I’m going to ruin my daughter by one wrong parenting move. I have ridiculous expectations for everything and get super disappointed when they’re not met. I sometimes struggle with crippling anxiety. I cry, and often, because I can be oh so sensitive haha. 

So please, hear these written words through my own frailty and humanity! As I write, I am praying and fighting to also believe what He is saying to me through His Word, His Spirit, and His people.

And through it all, I am begging for the Lord to help me take the backseat (and begging is real here, because I all too often fall into that dang people pleasing track) so you all only see more of Him instead of more of me.

My prayer is that the articles in this blog will not only be a loving reminder to my own heart, but also to those of you who might be doubting, or maybe hurting, or feeling isolated, or have even walked away or wanted to give up. Let’s rediscover the heart of Jesus together, friends.

 

Humbly yours,